Now let me say this first and foremost, I will be using the word fag a million and three times during this post… and let me tell you why. Because he was wearing a shirt that said… “I am not gay, I am a FAG!”
So anyway… I went to a pool party yesterday off of Biscayne. I am not sure what I expected but it was … cool. I saw the baddest tranny (I always get my terms mixed up) ever. I almost fell in front of a table of fags. I somehow ended up in a fight between a girl and her ex (who she has a restraining order on). And then received a request from said ex while she was peeing in the dark… No really.
Something told me to stay my ass at home…. but of course me being me I didn’t listen. I tweeted that I wasn’t going. I BBMed that I wasn’t going. But of course two hours before it was supposed to be over I found myself driving on the still slick road to “a roof top pool party with fireworks”…. mmm hmm.
When I walked into the door my face immediately fell. It was myself, the bartender and MAYBE 20 other people (of which I am sure 5-10 were the promoters and their significant others). I decided to make the best of it… which loosely translated means I went straight to the bar and ordered a Grey Goose and Cranberry. I people watched for a little bit and then decided that I was going to have to make this night good for myself so I went over and sat with a table of fags and the baddest tranny I have ever seen…. I had on fabulous shoes and I was drinking topshelf liqour so I was in.
It was cute… they were funny… they were a tad bit young but I rather sit at a full table than look like prey sitting by myself…. that was until I almost fell on my return from making a phone call to the Jayster…. like slipped and almost ATE the floor… but I thankfully landed right in my chair. SCORE! . And of course NO ONE else saw this almost disaster except the table I was sitting with. FAIL! A couple of giggles and a high five later I knew my time on Fagsteria Lane had ended… I sat and chit chatted for another 10 minutes or so and made my move to the other room.
Hello ladies…. I am not a big fan of “doing too much” and yes these ladies were “doing too much”, but as I was alone and bored I felt it within my right to make them feel much more special than I would have any other day. Keep the one on the right in your mind because she almost got me in some BS on the house.
So Jess (the one on the right) and her girlfriend were fighting at the party about “something” you know I am nosy so I felt it my duty to find out what was going on. Supposedly Jess’s crazy ex… you know the kind of crazy that requires the policia had attended the party and grabbed her ass. So *warning: stupid lesbian logic* Jess felt that she needed to make a scene in order to show her girlfriend that she was upset and not interested in the ex.
You know me… I had to give her a little K wisdom…
Sit down and Shut up! You are looking like a g-damn fool and my nerves are bad… No really. And your girlfriend is not nearly as happy with your reaction as you think… so smile and look cute…
I actually felt good about helping a young sister stop becoming a stereotype…. that was until Miss Restraining Order decided to walk her ass over to where I was talking to Jess….and tell her how she would never attack her…. (which is what people say before they hit)…
*Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!*
Now this is normally where I would have done my kanye shrug and slid off to make new friends but… somehow Jess had positioned herself behind me…. DAMN IT. So me being mama bear I had to protect my little delusional cub…
Ummm soo yeah can you go away? You are really doing the most… and you are invading my personal space…. No really.
(No the next part of this story does not involve me getting in a fist fight… luckily one of Miss Restraining Order’s friends came and took her away)
Thank you Father… you know I would have ended up in lockup… no passing go… no collecting 100 dollars… no bueno.
Oh wait did I skip the Sengal sweetheart that almost had me in troubleeeee….. yeah…. *thinks to myself* I think I will leave that alone…. before I get myself in some trouble.
Fast forward another 30 mins …. of…. nothing… yeah…nothing.
I was leaving the party… disappointed but not realllllly disappointed. Decided to use the restroom quickly and opened the door…
And why was Miss Restraining Order using the bathroom in the dark…. so I tried to close the door and SHE BLOCKED ME FROM CLOSING THE DOOR to scream “Tell Jessica I love her”….
Later lovebugs, K