And since I am the star of my own life I am channeling the movie poster for Going the Distance . It’s a simple enough movie… Boy meets Girl. Girl lives across country. Let’s see if we can make it work…. How cute *gag*
Though it is a funny movie, I think surviving long distance relationships takes more than a sense of humor. It takes a lot of work, money, and imagination. So here are a few tips I learned in my trials and tribulations with UNO… some comments from my twitter followers… and whatever else comes to my mind.
Maybe it’s the Cabo Wabo (which I love more than Patron)… but I am trying very hard not to make sex the first thing I touch on… *blink* *blink*
Forget it… Sex is damn important so … yeah.
Let’s talk about SEX
There are three levels of sex in a long distance relationship. Sexting… Phone Sex… and Skype Sex.
Now I am a little iffy about sexting… mostly because I text with both hands so… unless I grow a third one I am not sure I can get the bang for my buck.
That being said there is nothing like looking down at an unprompted text that says “I’m so horny” to make you say “Yes ma’am” but that’s about all I got.
Phone sex I can get down with… for those who say it is not “real sex” chile please if you are dripping and breathing hard in the end.. Mission Accomplished. The satisfaction of knowing you can make your girl say your name just by the sound of your voice and the thought of your tongue, very empowering.
Skype sex… the final frontier. The porn industry is a billion dollar entity. Now who wouldn’t like the ability to direct and co-star in their own Big Booty B*tches flick. ‘Nuff said.
Okay now that I got that out of my system…
Social Networks are Long Distance Relationship Kryptonite
Now I think I am the coolest kid in camp BUT even I had to learn that lesson. Because a) even the most innocent of comments can be taken wrong in print b) women will do stunts when they know you are watching and c) that “Mutual Friends” portion on facebook means all those people are in your business. It brings new meaning to “putting all your business in the street”
I will never forget when my friend called me with straight attitude because some “naked chick” was doing the most on UNO‘s page and I was told I need to check it. Now since I only do facebook to play farmville (#finejudgeme ) I was caught completely off-guard…
This heffa (and I say this with love) had me so riled up that by the end of the conversation, I knew good and damn well I wasn’t fixin’ to be disrespected by a UNO dos or a tres…. (all before I had even logged on).
Now granted the conversation that UNO and I had as the result of this foolishness was good and eye opening, but it could have easily been the end of our relationship. Even the truth sounds like a lie when you have your mind made up and a well-meaning trouble starter in your other ear saying “You know all she is going to do is lie”.
I actually have a homegirl that refuses to add her boo on Facebook because she says it is just trouble ready to happen. It might be extreme but… it might be what the doctor ordered.
Oh and here is a Kword tip: Just because a relationship status says “Single” does not mean she is single. It takes two seconds to ask the question to save yourself embarrassment when you do your love decree.
I Gotta Get Where You Are
Long distance relationships are definitely an investment. No matter how much you talk on the phone or video chat there is nothing that equals physical touch. I think I look on expedia every day to find flights to see UNO. And I will tell you why… though I think we have one of the strongest relationships on the planet, we weren’t immune of the pain when weeks turned to months without seeing each other. Even though we talk on the phone hours daily, have skype movie dates every night, and … do all the other things listed in this blog, it wasn’t enough. We became overcome by the stress that could only be released in each other’s arms. I can only be blessed that we checked it before it was too late. So if that means a change in the monthly budget so be it.. because I have to get to where she is.
*looks at clock* It’s about that time… UNO and I have a standing date. But here is UNO and my theme song… enjoy.
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