Femme. Stud. Goldstar. Lipstick. Chapstick. Boi. Soft Stud. Pillow Queen. Touch Me Not. Baby Dyke. Sike a Dike. AG. Aggressive. Butch. Domme. Agressive Femme. Tomboi. Ultrafemme.
Am I missing some? I know there are some regional labels that only two blocks and a corner bar of lesbians know. My question is why? And moreso why is it that Black lesbians seem to be so much more obsessed than “other folks”.
I have a couple of thoughts/theories that have come to me that I want to share. Feel free to tell me your thoughts and I will feel free to ignore you if you come at me crazy (I’m just being honest, you know some of y’all don’t know how to talk to people).
Not exactly the Brady Bunch..
Contrary to what many of us like to think Black lesbians are some of the most conservative people in the world. Though many of us didn’t grow up in two parent households, most of us were taught that that is the ideal family structure. Come on who didn’t want to be the Huxtables? Even if in our perfect scenario Heathcliff is replaced by Heather. Add that with the lessons we were taught in the big church (in between passing notes that is) and it is only natural that we bring those ideals into our adult relationships. Even if Daddy is spelled D-A-D-D-I.
Oh My God Becky Look At Those Dykes…
I guess I never realized how divisive labels in the black community in general, and the homosexual community specifically, were until I started hanging out with more white lesbians. No No No this is not going to be the “White is Right” portion of the post but it does seem that overdosing on labels is a black epidemic. If you go to the white lesbian parties and bars you see PLENTY of women hugging and dancing with women that have the same Justin Bieber haircut and brown Birkenstocks. Two women together… not much of shocker. But let two black lesbians with low boys and bowties walk in the club, you can hear the whispers from the cheap seats. In a world where everyone is telling us who we should love, why must we do it among ourselves? Does it actually make you feel better to be in a “regular” lesbian relationship?
And I am not even going to try and touch why two femmes being together is soooo hot and two studs being together is soooo not? But I will say one word: PORN
Forget the A-a-a-a-alcohol. Blame it on the Facebook… and Twitter… and Downelink… and…hell Blame Myspace
In a world where 15% of the time we spend online is spent checking Facebook, it makes sense that it is becoming the birthplace of a lot of our friend and love relationships. Maybe we use all the uber specific labels to skip steps in relationship building. A/S/L no longer mean Age/Sex/Location. It now means Age/Status/Label. It’s a lot easier using a one or two word label to define someone when getting to know them than to take the time to delve into the idiosyncrasies of that individual.
Heck let’s take it a step further. Maybe this is why labels are more prevalent with newly “out” lesbians. Is it easier to define yourself when you have a label that tells you how you are to navigate your new identity? Maybe labels are a useful tool that we use until we are secure enough in ourselves and our lifestyles to do away with them…
Brain freeze… Kinda like when you drink a Slurpee too fast...
*turns the mic to you* Thoughts? Tweet me @kristiweb