Throwback Thursday: Vibrator Tales or My First Vibrator

I need a vibrator. I mean I don’t need a vibrator like I need water and food and air….. I want a vibrator. I didn’t realize I wanted one until I was talking to my girl Lee Lee. And since her wife might stumble across this blog we weren’t talking about sex… well not sex together..or your sex together… Moving right along. o_O

This is not the actual vibrator but it did have an awkward box handle like this one o_O
This is not the actual vibrator but it did have an awkward box handle like this one o_O

I will never forget my first vibrator.

My homegirl and I were creeping around Gainesville trying to be grown sneaking down to the XXX store on the outskirts of town. We were browsing the 2 for 1 porn section** when I saw it… It was pink, it had flashing lights and it was on clearance. Yes the clearance part was important. I only had 30 bucks in my pocket and there was no way in hell I was explaining a XXX store charge to Mother Web.

I used that thing for all of two minutes. As interesting as the lights were when you were looking from the outside… they really didn’t do much inside. The head was huge and bulky. I should have known then this whole penetration thing wasn’t for me. And it rotated like it had a cold. Swirl *cough* swirl *cough* swirl.  I don’t know what I expected. Hell it was on clearance.

I think I was more excited about having the damn thing than using it. I got over that pretty quickly. Poor Starburst didn’t  even make it to sophomore year. Mother Web had a knack for wanting to straighten up my things (read: snoop) while she was in town and I was not ready for that conversation. Fast forward 5-6 years later when we did have an interesting conversation about vegetables… but that’s its own post.

I don’t remember how many other light up… warming… neon… clearance vibrators I sent to the sex graveyard during my 4 years in the Swamp but I’m sure I could have bought a rabbit… or 3. It wasn’t all bad. Towards the end on my journey, I was blessed by the miracle that is the mouse bullet.

I can not WAIT to get this package in the mail.... Feel free to judge me.
I can not WAIT to get this package in the mail…. Feel free to judge me.

*pause with extremely large and excited eyes*

I just googled and ordered 3… yes I said 3.  I can’t believe they still make them and they are 5 bucks a pop so I might as well get backups. I might give them away as gifts. Stocking stuffers… ok I’m lying… about the giving away part, not the 3 blind mice.

I still kinda want to try to get a vibrator though. I need to do some research. Anyone have any suggestions? Maybe I should buy a few and try them all out. Not in a creepy and/or slutty way but for research purposes.

Hmmm…

**Yes it was back in the day when you had to actually buy pornography as opposed to xtubing it… or xsharing it.. or whatever internet freak site is popping this week.

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5 thoughts on “Throwback Thursday: Vibrator Tales or My First Vibrator”

    1. I will say it sounds like something that should be kept in the kitchen next to the salad spinner but I am all about seeing the face of the Almighty. Might have to put it on my “research” list. Thanks!

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  1. Hahahahahaha, I’m not sure if there is a perfect vibrator or bullet for women, we are so fussy right? But throughout my partner on partner years, if u know what I mean, I have gone through about 7(and trust me, it is not even that long), there are about 3 in my drawer that needs some sort of battery that I can’t even bother to buy because there is a ‘stable’ one in my life. You will find yourself wanting newer ones as time goes by. The ones I buy though, has to be powerful and effective, full stop, no compromising lol. Good luck.

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      1. Honestly it came with a battery that wasn’t powerful (to blow my mind) so I kick it to the curb. But it landed on my door inadvertently, I had ordered a massaging vibrator (which can be use as a bullet), it has 5 different receptors based on your preference. However they send me instead, a panty with a insert for a vibrator along with that vibrator, hence my dilemma. I have a habit and ditching new for old hahaha. So once sonething better comes, it automatically gets replaced.

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