Don’t cringe, these are delicious. I learned the method in a cooking class, and I’ve been making them this way ever since. And before you even ask, NO you can’t substitute turkey bacon for pork. I tried, and it led to a plate of sadness and regret. Just leave the pork out if you want. You’ve been warned!
2 lbs fresh Brussels sprouts (it sounds like a lot, but trust me, it isn’t)
4-6 slices PORK bacon. From a pig. That went oink.
Dried Cranberries, chopped walnuts, blue cheese crumbles–Optional (I usually leave them out, because while it is a delicious combo, it is a BIT too much for regular weekday fare)
First, observe the Brussels sprout. Isn’t it cute? Sure it is. Now, take the cute lil mini cabbage and run it under some water. Now take a large pot and fill it with water. Put it on the boil, cause your cute little sprouts will cause your stomach to have more rumbles than a Yellowstone geyser if you don’t boil the sulfur out of them. Don’t make that face. You don’t want that going on if you are cooking for your lady, do you? Of course not.
While you are waiting for the water to bubble, start chopping. Cut the bottoms of the sprout, then cut them in half. Throw them into the boiling water for NO MORE than 5 minutes. We aren’t making the mushy sprouts that were forced on you in your youth. These should be bright green/white and still solid to the touch when you take them out of the water. Drain and set aside.
Take your widest skillet and fry your bacon to taste. Chewy, crispy, carbon. Whatever makes your skirt fly up. Metaphorically. Heh. Remove the bacon and drain half of the grease. Chop or crumble your bacon, and set it to the side. Its time is coming shortly.
Remember those sprouts? Yeah. It’s time to put them, CUT SIDE DOWN, into the bacon grease. Yesssssss. Just do it. Calories don’t count with this recipe. I swear on Ina Garten’s homosexual harem. Return the skillet to the heat, watching the sprouts carefully. You want a nice browning, but not burning. Flip the sprouts, revealing their beautiful, glistening, brown….
Flip the veggies over, and get your trusty bottle of balsamic vinegar. Quickly sprinkle the vinegar into the pan, trying to hit all the sprouts. Don’t go overboard on the first pass–taste the result and add a little more if you like. Take the skillet off the heat, and add your bacon, cranberries, nuts, and cheese. Mix well.
— Now if only she would make them for me…. #IJS ~KK