Tag Archives: black lesbian blog

In Search of Bear-ettes: Where is the Lesbian Bear community?

First let me make 100% sure that no one reading this thinks that this is a National-Geographic-Yogi-Bear-esque personal ad. I am not interested in having sexual relations with a bear or a woman in a bear outfit for that matter.

giving those who need it a moment to click off

Okay now that we have gotten that out of the way, I am indeed searching for lesbian 38393-1bears. For those who may or may not know, bears in the gay community are “men that are commonly, but not always, overweight and often having hairy bodies and facial hair. ” (I didn’t define it, blame Wikipedia). And no this is not a term used to throw shade. These men are HAPPY to be bears.  There is a Bear Magazine, Bear annual events, hell I’ve watched two different movies about bears on Netflix this weekend alone.

So my question is whyyyyyyyyy aren’t their lesbian bears? I’m not saying that we should all ditch the razors for a more “natural” look. I’m asking why aren’t their organized groups of lesbians that combat the hyper sexualized notion of lesbians. And don’t say that non-skirt wearers are inherently that group. Have you been online recently? I’ve seen more “studs” in bras (and nekkid) on instagram than I have ever seen in my life. Aside from just that, though different from their femme counterparts, studs are held to a rather high standard from their workout regiment to their attire.

bearcity_hirescover-low-resI don’t think we would ever see a group of lesbians with their bellies hanging out dancing around the pool. And before you try to say “What about the BBW lesbians?”, I don’t buy it. Most of the BBW lesbians I know hold themselves to extremely high standards when it comes to their personal appearance. Are women too self conscious to “let themselves go”? Is it because there are defined groups of gay men that are attracted to bears, where there wouldn’t be a female equivalent?

Discussion: Are you a bear-ette (and willing to admit it)? Do you know any bear-ettes? Are they even possible in the lesbian community?

Just a little extra, here are some bear terms. Any lezzie equivalents (other than just adding -ette to the end)?

  • Bear run – a gathering or circuit party for bear/cub types and their admirers.
  • Baloo – an older bear who befriends and welcomes a younger bear (Cub) into bear culture.
  • Black bear – a bear of Black/African-American descent.
  • Brown bear – a bear of Hispanic, Middle Eastern, or South Asian descent.
  • Chaser – short for chubby chaser, or a man who likes overweight men. Is also used to generalize bear admirers.
  • Chub – a heavy set gay man. May or may not be a bear (chubby bear is a common term).
  • Cub – a younger (or younger looking) version of a bear, typically but not always with a smaller frame. The term is sometimes used to imply the passive partner in a relationship. Can be hairy or hairless.
  • Daddy bear – an older bear, sometimes looking for a daddy/son relationship with a younger man.
  • Goldilocks – a female, often heterosexual, who is often in the company of bears (a bear’s fag hag).
  • Grizzly Adams – a man who is hairy and is attracted to bears; but does not self-identify as a bear.
  • Grizzly bear – a very dominant, heavy, tall, or hairy bear.
  • Koala Bear – a bear of Australian descent.
  • Otter – a man who is hairy, but is not large or stocky – typically thinner, swimmer’s build, or with lean muscle or no muscle.
  • Panda bear – a bear of Asian descent.
  • Pocket bear – a short bear.
  • Polar bear – a silver- or white-haired bear.
  • Redwood – a red-haired bear.

Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots Around Town: Chivas 1801 Club

Thanks to the @ChivasRegalUS team for inviting us to their Chivas 1801 Club event in Wynwood District last month. It was an amazing night of fine cigars, conversation and Chivas tastings with their staff. If you have the chance to attend any of their events it is a definite treat. Oh and yes I was serving British Bobby realness for the kids!

All pictures were taken with my trusty iPhone

Follow Chivas Regal on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ChivasRegal
www.chivasbrotherhood.com
www.chivas.com

Introducing…Crystal’s Guide to Super Gay Movies!


38574_1559417426616_7136249_nHi! I’m Crystal Jaudon, your new ultra gay movie reviewer. I LOVE Gay Movies! Join me on this adventure in playland and you will definitely enjoy the trip. We will talk about all manner of super gay film: documentaries, romance, urban drama and even some indie underground random web gayness when we’re feeling gritty (not porn… unless it’s tasteful!). But, before we get to the fun, I guess I should explain what qualifies me to be an ultra gay… movie reviewer?

Girl, what is the T?!

Well, I’m a little ol’ country gal, born right smack dab in the middle of the forest hills of Atlanta, Georgia. I grew up when rappers wore make up (openly ^-^) and pink leather suits. When men, even the straight ones, were comfortable in skirts and women in suits and ties didn’t raise eyebrows.

My first ultra gay movie was a musical as musicals were acceptable Victor_Victoria_posterat Casa de Jaudon. I think it was Victor Victoria, a classic style musical with one hell of a twist! I felt some affinity for Julie Andrews, the woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman. The first musical I’d ever seen that truly summed up my life! Finally, someone I could identify with. My Mormon father and Pentacostal mother couldn’t have been more delighted…that I agreed to keep my new obsession relatively quiet and not mention this fact to the neighbors.

I attended Georgia State University where I officially graduated with a Bachelors in History. Unofficially, I focused these formative years on earning my “masters” in queer studies and politics. I began my prerequisites in my major of choice at Cinefest, formerly known as The Lyceum, our campus theatre. Cinefest always went all out for the underground. It was the venue of my awakening to gay cinema. It was where I learned about Stonewall, Maude’s and all forms of iconic gayness. I also saw my first official lesbian movie, Go Fish, on the big screen there. And it served as the spot where I anxiously watched the progress of Rose Troche and the L Word crew as they used that movie to springboard their careers.

go_fish_ver2Gay movies have played a pivotal role in my development throughout the course of my life. Now that I am a mom, movies about same sex parenting get much play on my small screen. Most notably, Rosie O’Donnell’s really powerful film on her experiences on a gay family cruise through the Caribbean. Good Stuff.

Gay movies have helped to anchor my identity, boost my self-esteem, prepare me for the world inside and outside of my family, and make me laugh, cry, long and love. They are a part of my journey. I am hoping that this column will make them a more fulfilling part of yours.

#TBT – I Don’t Like Lesbians… Present Company Excluded

I know I have said before that I am definitely not hip or cool. I am not a superlesbian and actually prefer to see myself as an unfashionable femme. So I really have no business being bewildered by a conversation I recently had, and definitely not enough to write a blog about it…

But I am and I am so there humph

Let me give you a little K background before I get any “You are sensitive” eyerolls….

Growing up, there were a total of 7 black students in my elementary school, a whole hell of a lot in middle school, and a whopping 3 in my graduating class. I was always the cool black girl, without much effort. I even had a girl tell me that I was one of the only black people she knew (keyword: knew, not saw at the mall or shirked from in the elevator). Sidenote: I grew up in Miami, not Mayberry… just in case you were wondering. It was never a big thing, I just grew up with the belief that I was a universally cool cat (though using the term “cool cat” probably just lost me some points).

Did I have to check a few in my day about a pre-Imus Nappy headed hoe-ish comment? Probably.

Did I give a side eye to a “Yo, what’s up my n*word?” salutation between two melanin-free jocks from across the hall? Mmm hmm.

But one thing is for damn sure, I never in my life was told to my face “I don’t deal with black people…” followed up with a “No no K you aren’t like themmmmm”.

Fastforward to this weekend. Picture it Sicilly 1923… well actually South Beach a couple of days ago… Continue reading #TBT – I Don’t Like Lesbians… Present Company Excluded

Superlesbians Do Not Exist

… better yet let me say that I’m not one.

I guess this post all started when I was approached by a girl on twitter who proclaimed she was a “Goldstar”. Now seeing that the last time I was concerned with stars of any metallic color was in grade school I was a bit confused.  I am glad she couldn’t see my face because she definitely was the recipient of my patented “Did you ride the slow bus?” sideeye.

So when she asked me if I was a goldstar… I didn’t even pretend to know what she was talking about.
Continue reading Superlesbians Do Not Exist

Strangle


Choke me Daddi…

In my effort to educate and stimulate, I will fully disclose that I love being choked during sex.

Disclaimer: This ain’t for everybody. I ain’t Dr. Ruth or Dr. Drew or anyone that could be held responsible if you lose brain function.

Maybe it’s the glasses but I feel the need to nerd up this post before I go any further, so here is the Encyclopedia Brown definition:

Erotic asphyxiation is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal.

Here is the K word definition:

When my partner chokes me short of being the next episode of the first 48, but long enough that when I regain full consciousness my body is convulsing in shocks of sexual electricity.

*pause* I need a moment.

Now I will bypass the gritty details of when EX almost killed me her first time out, and get to the moral of the story… Choking is dangerous. If you don’t have a plan, you can catch a charge.

So here are a three things you should know (from my own experience) before you start choking people like it’s Kool and the Gang.

1. IT IS NOT FOR EVERY ONE!

Okay I have already confessed that I am a freak but that doesn’t mean I  let every Tam, Tish and Terry put my life in their hands. You have to KNOW your partner and yourself with your partner before deciding if you want to try anything like this in the bedroom. You don’t want to wait until you are in the throes of passion to realize… this heffa is crazy.

2. Banana Cream Pie… or any safeword will do.

No, I am not quoting a line from the Katt Williams standup. Safewords are NON-SEXUAL words that signal to your partner that they need to let go. When dealing with life or death you don’t want there to be any confusion about “No means Yes” or “Stop means Go”. So before you even get undressed you need to decide what your signal is. In my opinion, the odder the word the better… If it makes your partner pause and say “Huh?” then it is on point.

Forget Don’t Drink and Drive…

3. Don’t Coke and Choke

This might seem obvious but don’t get wasted before you try sexual asphyxiation (Thank God for spell check). There are a lots of reasons but mostly it slows down your reaction time and affects your blood pressure. Trust me the act is more of a high than you could possibly imagine… you don’t need anything else.

Okay so those are my three things to consider, anyone that has other other additions or questions tweet me and I will see what I can do.

Until then *cough*… I gotta go.

~K