Last night I had an epiphany… well maybe not last night because I have been telling Abby DC about this for about a year. I have resolved to be that old lesbian in the back of the bar drinking whisky from my snifter and looking atthe young and tenders over the rim of my glass. Why? Because I don’t think I will ever fall in love… better yet stay in love. Continue reading Why I Will Be That Old Lesbian in the Back of the Bar… And Other Revelations
I am long overdue for a plenty of fish update. So here goes. I haven’t been on there. That’s all I got. Okay well not really, I did sign on a few weeks ago during one of my “I am going to end up alone” bouts of regression (yes regression, not depression). First person to draw my attention was a young black woman with a UF hat on, which alone was enough to warrant a “click”. Come to find out this girl not only attended my alma mater, but we graduated around the same time… and knew the same people. Ain’t that something? We emailed back and forth for a day or two and finally exchanged numbers.
So you may or may not have noticed that I haven’t written a plenty of fish update… mostly because I haven’t logged on there in a minute. There aren’t really women that I am interested in and I am ok with that. I did however log back in today because I met one of my FISHES yesterday. Well from what I understand I have met her several times before, I just forgot…
I had an honesty moment…. I don’t want to date right now online or otherwise. I was trying to rush into something in order to get over the ex-Mrs and “The Ghost of GFs Past”… that’s whack.
I had this epiphany when I met a really nice attractive woman and I dismissed her without just cause.
The old adage about getting over one woman by getting under another is not really for me. That plus some of these broads are heavy… and I need to keep it light.
So with that the app is removed from my phone.
Sorry I won’t be able to regale you with any more tales of catfish. BUT I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOURS!
Sooo I have been on Plenty of Fish for two weeks… and I am bored. Not bored, but I’m not really into it. It’s not the lack of people trying to get all up in this *ghetto girl voice* but… meh. I talk to these people back and forth online for about a zillion messages and then what? Either we stop communicating completely or we taper off to a message every couple of days… ok.
No sparks. No butterflies. No… nothing. Where is my snarky, irreverent counterpart? Where is the Pinky to my Brain *insert a big forehead joke here*
Here’s a recap of my first 14 days on Plenty of Fish…
1. I was catfished out of the gate by someone I am pretty sure is a man… I might be wrong but s/he definitely wasn’t the Russian pornstar whose picture s/he stole.
2. I have seen a total of 8 people that I know in real life, which mean 8 people I know in real life know I have a POF account. Not sure how I feel about that…
3. I read that book “S/he’s Just Not That Into You”. If you respond in 1-2 sentences, where I am writing a paragraph (Y’all know how I am), I am going to chalk that up to you aren’t interested… If I wanted to write to myself I would start a blog… see what I did there.
4. I don’t want anyone I meet there to read this damn blog. I know it’s hard to be anonymous when every other post I say my name but… I want to ease any new friend/relationshipee into it. No one wants to meet someone knowing their business could be in the street any moment.
With that being said, I made the decision to try and hang out with one of my fishies. It’s not a love connection, she’s not really my type (I don’t date uber feminine women), but she seems really nice. She is college educated, career driven, attractive… someone I wish I had a friend to hook her up with. We will see what she says.
Until then… at least I can check my inbox during commercials.
Soooooooo I can’t believe it happened this quickly. Remember my last post (yes the one that I literally posted an hour ago — go read it again for kicks) when I called out one of my POF girls as a possible catfish and the other one as a lame? Well I was right (kinda). The lame is definitely a lame.. a catfishy lame!!! How do I know you ask?
Google images strikes again!
See I was sitting here e-chatting with the new homie KD about catfish and POF when I decided to get my Max on. Nah I don’t want to be Nev he is too much of a punk (and a sloppy drunk from the word on the street). Max has the right mix of snark and spark to make me feel right at home.
Her profile says she is a 40 year old that lives in the Crossings (a neighborhood not far from mine).
Red flag #1 – She doesn’t look a damn thing like 40
Well Reg flag #1 really was her asking me if I was into women, when it is clearly on my profile. But at the time that just confirmed her lameness *shrugs* not her evil deception *cue villian music*
Well like I said, as I was getting my Max on, I decided to drop the images of all the women I had met into Google Image search. The first two passed with flying colors as I expected. I just knew the gorgeous Latina from across town was going to come up as a fake but no she was clean too. I dropped Miss Lame-o in for kicks and lo and behold…. dun dun dun
Ain’t that bout a biscuit ? This broad (or should I say person because I have no idea if they are indeed even a woman) not only picked a ho as their picture but an international ho… I guess she said she was going to do it real big. I halfway want to write back to her now, but I refuse to be messy in my old age.
This does however lead me to wonder, being that this took me all of 5 minutes to uncover… how in the heck are people getting catfished for 5 years?
This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog.
And yes I actually retyped that over and over again instead of just cutting and pasting. So I am proud to announce I have done my first 72 hours as a member of Plenty of Fish. It is … interesting to say the least. Here’s the good, the bad, and the ion even much know.
The Good: There is an app for that. There is an actual Plenty of Fish app. So every time I get a flirt, a favorite or any freaking message in between I get a notification. How cute is that? Does getting messages at 2am make me a booty call? No right? Anyway that’s the good. Oh wait there are some more goods. There are some cute girls on there… wait for it… wait for it.
CUTE GIRLS THAT I KNOW IN REAL LIFE
I mean dang, the first thing I noticed when I clicked on the site were all the “familiar” faces. Some verrrry familiar, others slightly familiar, but all too familiar.
Yeah, I guess that doesn’t fit in the category of good now that I think of it.
AND WITH THAT BEING SAID…
*zooms the camera in for a closeup, taps the mic*
Dear Stud that I kinda know, who I definitely know the last time I checked was married to a amazingly gorgeous sweetheart of a femme that I also kinda know,
Yes YOU who is logged in AS I TYPE,
You better be divorced or you need your behind whooped AND furthermore you better be glad I don’t know your better-be-ex-wife or I would have had to blow up your WHOLE spot.
That’s all I got.
Bad. Bad. Bad.
And to that one broad who I am 99.9% sure is a catfish… skype me so I know it’s real.
Oh and to the handful of women with whom I am having actual pleasant conversations, keep doing what you are doing. *High Five*
Blez-ventures = My failed attempt to coin a term for black lesbian adventures *shrugs*