:60 Second Shorts: Where Have You Been All My Life? @PlentyofFish and Gaytor Girl

188010_418788461569126_1455660890_nI am long overdue for a plenty of fish update. So here goes. I haven’t been on there. That’s all I got. Okay well not really, I did sign on a few weeks ago during one of my “I am going to end up alone” bouts of regression (yes regression, not depression). First person to draw my attention was a young black woman with a UF hat on, which alone was enough to warrant a “click”. Come to find out this girl not only attended my alma mater, but we graduated around the same time… and knew the same people.  Ain’t that something? We emailed back and forth for a day or two and finally exchanged numbers.

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I’ve been catfished on @PlentyofFish already!

Soooooooo I can’t believe it happened this quickly. Remember my last post (yes the one that I literally posted an hour ago — go read it again for kicks) when I called out one of my POF girls as a possible catfish and the other one as a lame? Well I was right (kinda). The lame is definitely a lame.. a catfishy lame!!! How do I know you ask?

Google images strikes again!

See I was sitting here e-chatting with the new homie KD about catfish and POF when I decided to get my Max on. Nah I don’t want to be Nev he is too much of a punk (and a sloppy drunk from the word on the street). Max has the right mix of snark and spark to make me feel right at home.

Just to jog your memory this is Little Miss Lame-o.2013-08-31 18.56.43

Her profile says she is a 40 year old that lives in the Crossings (a neighborhood not far from mine).

Red flag #1 – She doesn’t look a damn thing like 40

Well Reg flag #1 really was her asking me if I was into women, when it is clearly on my profile. But at the time that just confirmed her lameness *shrugs* not her evil deception *cue villian music*

Well like I said, as I was getting my Max on, I decided to drop the images of all the women I had met into Google Image search. The first two passed with flying colors as I expected. I just knew the gorgeous Latina from across town was going to come up as a fake but no she was clean too. I dropped Miss Lame-o in for kicks and lo and behold…. dun dun dun

THIS

catfish

Ain’t that bout a biscuit ? This broad (or should I say person because I have no idea if they are indeed even a woman) not only picked a ho as their picture but an international ho… I guess she said she was going to do it real big. I halfway want to write back to her now, but I refuse to be messy in my old age.

This does however lead me to wonder, being that this took me all of 5 minutes to uncover… how in the heck are people getting catfished for 5 years?

Blez-ventures in Online Dating: @PlentyofFish

This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog. This is not going to become an online dating blog.

And yes I actually retyped that over and over again instead of just cutting and pasting. So I am proud to announce I have done my first 72 hours as a member of Plenty of Fish. It is … interesting to say the least. Here’s the good, the bad, and the ion even much know.

2013-08-31 18.31.39The Good: There is an app for that. There is an actual Plenty of Fish app. So every time I get a flirt, a favorite or any freaking message in between I get a notification. How cute is that? Does getting messages at 2am make me a booty call? No right? Anyway that’s the good. Oh wait there are some more goods. There are some cute girls on there… wait for it… wait for it.

CUTE GIRLS THAT I KNOW IN REAL LIFE

I mean dang, the first thing I noticed when I clicked on the site were all the “familiar” faces. Some verrrry familiar, others slightly familiar, but all too familiar.

Yeah, I guess that doesn’t fit in the category of good now that I think of it.

AND WITH THAT BEING SAID…

*zooms the camera in for a closeup, taps the mic*

Dear Stud that I kinda know, who I definitely know the last time I checked was married to a amazingly gorgeous sweetheart of a femme that I also kinda know,

Yes YOU who is logged in AS I TYPE,

You better be divorced or you need your behind whooped AND furthermore you better be glad I don’t know your better-be-ex-wife or I would have had to blow up your WHOLE spot.

That’s all I got.

2013-08-31 18.56.43And to the broad whose first message to me was THIS (look to your left)… You get an F for the day.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

And to that one broad who I am 99.9% sure is a catfish… skype me so I know it’s real.

Oh and to the handful of women with whom I am having actual pleasant conversations, keep doing what you are doing. *High Five*

Blez-ventures = My failed attempt to coin a term for black lesbian adventures *shrugs*